A common question many parents have to ask themselves on a daily basis, a question that frustrates the mind and can have significant implications on children if we fail to find a sustainable solution to the problem of making your children happy or giving them what they most desire, in western societies like the UK where children are listened to more than anywhere else around the world, how do we ensure we find the correct equilibrium in ensuring our child grows up strong and healthy, while at the same time ensuring they have happy memories of their childhood.
The answer to this question can vary in different countries, cultures, areas, backgrounds and societies everywhere, the answer could also vary family to family and child to child, so what's important to note is that everything we say should be used as a gentle template and warning in case you fall into any of the categories mentioned.
One of our main reasons for this post is in memory of all the children and young adults who take their lives across the world on a daily basis, we believe this is a excessively unnecessary loss and many of these lives could have been saved, whether that be from better education for parents and children, greater awareness and encouraging better communication, you'll see that many of our tips have communication as the main subject to address and often a breakdown in communication is followed up by abnormal behavior.
Some tips before we start
1. How to achieve better communication with your child
2. How to get a better relationship with your child
3. How to promote an attitude of learning in your child
4. How to encourage your child to read and learn from a young age
Tip #1: How to achieve better communication with your child
Achieving good communication with your child is something many parents struggle with, it’s a important aspect for a variety of reasons and is something all parents should be well versed in knowing.
Family time: Family time is important, it not only ensures children understand the importance of family, but it helps a child build up a better relationship with family members and loved ones. It builds up a sense of togetherness and ensures children feel loved, valued and important. Family time should be a time where everyone can participate and what you do should be something for everyone to enjoy, it could be going to the park, the cinema, cooking together, playing a sport, going to an amusement park, drawing, a discussion, eating together and the list is endless.
The most important thing is that you’re doing something as a family and your child recognizes that. Just having a weekly arrangement with your child will ensure you have a better relationship with them as you’re doing something fun together.
Lead the discussion: Sometimes children don’t want to talk to their parents, it’s important you make the effort and lead the discussion, squeeze the information out of your child, how was your day, what did you do? They might not engage with you as much but at least they know your showing an interest in what they do and how they are.
Do something your child enjoys: Do something with your child they enjoy, this can be on a one to one basis and doesn’t have to cost a thing, this helps you build a personal relationship with your child and ensures they’ll have better communication with you growing up.
Tip #2: How to get a better relationship with your child
The simple answer to this question is give your child more time, of course this is much easier said than done but as I always like to say, if something is important to you, you make time for it and I’m sure for most parents their children are the most important thing to them, the sad reality of work and everyday life is that we don’t always get to spend as much time with our children as we want and some parents except a good relationship but haven’t put in the hours at home, ensuring you find the time to have those important discussions with your child is a important aspect of relationship building.
Tip #3: How to promote an attitude of learning in your child
Children don’t know any better. This statement is true for young children growing up. Many children will normalize what they have been told to do and assume life is like this. Teach a child to watch TV when they’re bored, they’ll grow up to watch TV, teach a child to wash their hands before dinner, they’ll grow up to wash their hands before dinner, teach a child to learn for one hour a day and they’ll grow up to learn more multiple hours every day, this is not the case for everyone but in general children tend to practice what they’re used to doing from childhood.
It’s important that education is seen as a normal part of everyday life and not a task, just like adults try and reduce our workload, children will also see learning as a unnecessary task that isn’t important especially when they could be entertained by the many apps, games and other devises we have at our disposal, some children would even see it as silly to learn when they could be doing something more fun. The sad reality is that we are doing things the wrong way around, we should be using education as our primary entertainment and games, TV and mobile devises should be a treat and not used daily. These devises are highly addictive, and they’ve been designed to be, so it’s important we don’t introduce things to early that our children don’t need to be introduced to. A child is never to young to learn, this is a myth, children start taking in a lot of information the moment they’re born, they’re able to distinguish a loved one from a stranger and how receptive a person is towards them before they can even talk, young children are more than capable of working in a gentle learning environment and this will put them in a great position as they grow up.
Tip #4: How to encourage your child to read and learn from a young age
Encouraging fun, interactive learning activities that you also take part in. Many times parents leave young children to do learning activities alone or don’t fully engage with their child when undergoing a learning activity, taking part alongside your child can make a huge difference in their receptiveness to the learning activities you give them.
So now our introduction is out of the way, we can finally get onto our main topic: Do you give your child what they want or what they need?
In order to answer this question properly we have to consider all the things a child needs vs what they want.
Here is a list of some of the most important things your child needs:
1. A healthy home environment
2. Love
3. A healthy diet
4. A good education
5. Mental stability
6. Family
7. Friends
8. Entertainment
9. Life skills
1. A healthy environment
You may be wondering why we’ve used the word healthy, the main reason is many children can be in a home where they have everything they need however other needs parents overlook may not be being met, this could be having a go to person in the home they feel comfortable speaking about anything to, or children seeing constant arguing between parents, it’s often the small things that we adults overlook and believe they don’t have any long term impact on our children but they do, it’s important to ensure we’re always thinking about our children and how they feel in the home.
Arguing with a partner on a regular basis is one of the common signs of an unhealthy home environment and many parents don’t understand this can have quite bad implications on their child’s mental health, often children blame themselves or feel like they’re forced to pick between their parents, something children should never be put in the position to do. This is just one of the many examples of how you could potentially have an unhealthy home environment and something you should take the time out to address, there are often easy solutions to avoid this like agreeing to discuss hot topics when children aren’t at home so at least they don’t see you arguing with your partner. Situations will vary and it’s advisable to get expert advice when dealing with sensitive topics such as this.
2. Love
Sometimes we’re so busy with everyday life and work that we forget to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us and yes as adults we don’t have to be reminded as often because we know our partners won’t be running off anytime soon and neither will your children however it’s important to note that children benefit from having a sense of belonging and knowing they’ve got people who care about them, reckless or abnormal behavior is common in children who feel know body cares about them and is often a way they reach out for help as they feel they have no other option other than to behave in a irrational way to get some attention. Material things are great, but nothing beats quality time with a loved one, these are the irreplaceable things children value and appreciate as they get older.
3. A healthy diet
It’s already proven that having a healthy diet can help with learning, growth and cognitive function however just how important is a healthy diet? Let’s just say it may be more important than your first thought. To start, it’s safe to say, if a child doesn’t have any illness they are born with or adopt any new disease along their life’s progression, eating healthy can contribute to giving a child a longer lifespan and reduce their susceptibility to new diseases. Common disease affecting a growing number of young people include heart disease, something that is easily preventable with a simple change in diet. Having a healthier diet can mean students are more alert and learn better as a result. It’s important that children are encouraged to eat green foods, it’s not only better for the environment but for their long-term health and well-being.
4. A good education
As I’m sure many of you reading this article will agree, this is easier said than done, understanding different ways to promote a good education to your child is essential to ensuring your child can get into the professional world when they become an adult. The easiest way to promote a good education is starting from a young age, make learning normal to them, it’s easy to gently educate your child in a fun and engaging way, yes, it takes more effort, but you get a much better end result. If we normalized learning, instead of watching the TV children would be more encouraged to learn and hence, will greatly benefit from this. You see great success in other countries and cultures where children are grown up to learn from a young age and not watch TV or play games as a form of primary entertainment.
5. Mental stability
This is important and a growing problem among young people in western cultures, there’s a growing amount of young people with mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, PSTD and often these problems originate from home, simple dialog and getting to know your child more all they way up to adulthood would eradicate many of the problems society is facing, small changed would make a huge difference. Don’t underestimate the importance of the need for children to have a good family support network to feel valued, safe and secure.
6. Family
Family rightfully deserves it’s own spot on this article because many people find when things go wrong with life they turn to their family, your family are the first support network and it’s something everyone needs, not just children. So how much more important is family to a child who relies on their family for everything from food, shelter and safety, compared to an adult who could fend for themselves. Don’t underestimate the importance of family and dialog is so important, speaking to your loved ones about issues could save a life.
7. Friends
Everyone needs a break from their family so that’s why we have friends… …. Only joking! In all seriousness, friends are also an important feature of a child’s socials makeup and can be determined from a variety of things like, your child’s personality type, common interests such as sporting, art and gaming. The main thing is that your child has friends that respect and value your child and they are a good example for them, if you think as a parent a friend is no good, more often you’d usually be right as you’ve got your child’s best interests at heart, so take a moment and simply explain to your child why you don’t like that friend and you think they should stay away.
8. Entertainment
Although we aren’t meant to be entertained 24/7 children certainly need forms of entertainment and the best way to introduce do this is by introducing them to positive forms of entertainment from a young age, make a it a treat or monthly engagement with your family.
9. Life style
Routine and schedule should be an important part of a child’s day to day life as this is was governs how they’ll go about their adult life. Having routine and a schedule lifestyle is good for installing positive habits from a young age.
So now we know what a child needs how do we balance this was what they want?
Will the answer is in the questions, the keyword here is balance, it’s important that parents find a sustainable equilibrium that can help them better their child’s life while at the same time ensure their child is enjoying the life given to them by their parents.
How do we achieve equilibrium?
1. Talking, speak so you can understand
2. Time, give your loved ones your time and earn there love and respect in return.
3. Understanding, understand how what you do, could possibly affect your child.
4. Consistency, consistency is key, be consistency and reap the rewards.
5. Method, if one thing doesn’t work well, don’t be scared to try something new.
We hope this helped any parents out there looking for some gentle advice on how to help their child and find the right balance.
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